Value!

For someone in a traditionally female occupation, it's unexpected that I'm not much of a feminist. After all, out of the entire animal kingdom it's usually the female of the species that determines if sex is going to happen at all. But hear me out

Feminism actually struck a crippling blow to the sex industry. A hundred years ago, if a young man had The Itch and was in need of intimate companionship, his only choices were to either find some desperate old hag or a young professional ladyfriend like myself. Now of course, women have been told that they need to take charge of their own sex lives (a good thing) and that to fully seize this opportunity they need to go around having sex with anyone they fancy (not so much a good thing). This leaves the professionals with a much smaller market share. Bitches. But I'm not bitter - we just need to step up the game, and after all they're only amateurs.

I'm not always on duty, though. Fairly often I'll be out with the girls having drinks or dancing or whatever, and I can smell the boys out there lurking, waiting for the opportunity to cut one of us from the herd. I can't even walk from the bar to the ladies room without some yag snaking up on me to try and lay his thing down (doesn't he get that I have to pee?!), and in those situations my best defense is a business card. It says "private dance" for legal reasons, but it usually gets the point across.

Which brings me to today's pearl of wisdom - about nine times out of ten the guy's immediately put off, indignantly insisting that he doesn't pay for sex, he doesn't HAVE to pay for sex, he's got women lined up. Which explains why he's perving on me outside the ladies room door.

Look guys, you *always* pay. Whether it's time, attention, gifts, flowers, or just listening to us prattle on about stuff we KNOW you don't care about (and yes, we know you don't care - we yammer about our mothers' gallstones because we want someone to LISTEN for awhile). You're always going to have to do something you don't want to do in order to get in her pants. Slay the dragon, rescue the princess. It's a biological imperative, and we're both stuck with it. Paying money is just the quickest, easiest dragon to slay.

But it's not just the convenience - we're good. If you find the right girl for you, it can be an extremely rewarding experience. However, you're not going to find her out on Pike Street. You're going to find her at a bachelor party, or in a classified ad, or just hear about her from a friend. She's going to be the girl who gets five thousand of your hard-earned dollars and worships you like a pagan sex god for the weekend. You'll pay because we're worth it, and you'll become a better, more motivated man because of it.

It's all about value. Every person has something valuable about them. Some skill, talent or character trait that makes them desirable to others and that trait can be capitalized upon with the proper marketing. It's not just about knowing you have this skill, or knowing where to make your pitch.

You also need to know your own value.

You see, we're all whores.

Never sell yourself short - if you're good at something, set your price and stick to it. If you drop your price even one time, the buyer's going to expect to get that price all the time from then on unless you do some very hardball negotiating or upgrade the service. Either way, it's more work on your end, so to speak.

Now, most of you reading this know I play Second Life because I'm a nerd in my off hours. I've had Hard Alley flashbacks when dancing in RL clubs, and I've made fun of other girls clothing as "low rez". It's just how I do things. Guess what? I'm complex.

And yes, I do the same things in Second Life that I do in Real Life. Why? I find it entertaining, and I love people. Also, I get to try out some more creative moves in SL and see what turns people on. I get to explore kinks and fetishes that I'd probably never get the opportunity to even encounter in real life, and I broaden my horizons and I like to think it makes me a more interesting person in certain areas. It also pays the bills - did I mention that? But I digress.

So there are the freebie girls in Second Life, women (and apparently, a sizable quantity of men(!)) who go out to get used and abused and whatever by random guys, and as I said in the opening of this wee diatribe, this cuts into my business! Who's going to buy Ghirardelli when they can fill up on Nestle Quik for free?

They learn the difference when they taste the Ghirardelli, but you have to make them want that taste.

Granted, men of discerning taste don't just rain from the sky. A lot of guys are satisfied with a drunken handjob from some random slut they meet in a nightclub. That's fine. Guys like that have low expectations in life, and as a result probably don't have the kind of income required to buy better chocolate.

Still, girls! Know your value! Don't ever sell yourself short, especially *as* a woman in a world of men. I'm not saying every woman needs to go out and sell her body, or demand specific rewards for each act of love. But you have to know your value. Are your charms worth more than the five drinks that guy bought you? Almost certainly. If your loving has any value at all, to yourself or your man (men, women, tentacle monsters, etc) pick a value and stick to it. Does your lover come over, track dirt on your floor, ignore your new hairdo, eat your food and then expect access to your vagina? MAKE him pay attention. Don't be afraid to tell him the things you need done, and above all don't feel cheap about laying down the price you expect him to pay.

Make sure he realizes you're not "charging him for sex". The things you expect from him are the things you need in order to feel safe, loved and comfortable. The extra time and attention are what you need to feel appreciated, and in turn that makes you want to appreciate him right back in spades. Once he realizes how much better the loving is when he shows his appreciation, he'll stop junking up your house, start doing dishes, come home early and often!

Before I realized my value, I had a boyfriend who acted just like that. He was extremely inconsiderate, but expected physical affection all the same, and I put up with it for a little while. When I finally got up the courage to tell him that I didn't feel appreciated enough to have sex with him anymore, and gave specific reasons why, he told me I was acting like a prostitute. His actual words were "If it's not for sale, don't put a price tag on it."

It took me awhile to realize the wisdom coming from the jawbone of an ass, but I eventually admitted that he was 100% correct, but for the wrong reasons. We're *all* for sale, every day. We sell our time, our sweat, our creativity, our sex, to the people who need it. And there IS a price on it, always and without exception. The only question is who's going to pay that price - you or him?

Know your value.

Once you lower your price, that's the price.